The Mirror of Edward's Mind by Roshandra
by Roshandra
Summary: Edward has just realized that his love was taken from him. After a talk with Carlisle, Edward decided to embrace his dark side of his nature. His vampire side wanted BLOOD. How does he cope when this blood lust is open and his pain pours forth for Bella, gone now.
1. Chapter 1 Blood

**The Mirror Side of Edward by Roshandra**

By R. Author of Gothic Gates, BOOK V Saga and BBW series

May 31, 2015

What if Edward had a mirror side? What if that side revealed his desire for being a vampire and the blood that drew him? How would that change everything? Carlisle sees Edward's dual nature.

May 1st, 2011

Twilight disclaimer and no copyright infringement. Characters are being used in Fan Fiction and Original Story of THE MIRROR SIDE OF EDWARD is owned by author Roshandra/ R. M. Simone'

 **His journal notes.**

What is the point? I tried everything and the one thing I loved more than life, if you can call being a vampire having a life, was her. That darker side had be controlled all these years and I managed somehow to move with handling the lust thirst for her blood till that one moment. Carlisle wanted me to recount all the good she brought into my life. The way my heart opened to her; it shattered me in a way that left what sat there inside could be shared. This long awaited time of actually having found someone to love and be with. Love came into my life and I was finally with a mate.

Was this some stupid moment of fate for taking her from me as a punishment for killing James. I was inconsolable. I wanted blood now. All I could get; consume and kill for my pain and this nature of being a vampire. It was my time to embrace what I was fully and let loose my fury on how things had turned out for me. Without her, I was broken and the pain had to be filled. Filled with what? Blood, of course.


	2. Chapter 2 Fate of Hell

**The Mirror Side of Edward**

By R. Author of Gothic Gates, BOOK V Saga and BBW series

May 31, 2015

What if Edward had a mirror side? What if that side revealed his desire for being a vampire and the blood that drew him? How would that change everything? Carlisle sees Edward's dual nature.

May 1st, 2011

Twilight disclaimer and no copyright infringement. Characters are being used in Fan Fiction and Original Story of THE MIRROR SIDE OF EDWARD is owned by author Roshandra/ R. M. Simone'

 **His journal notes.**

What is the point? I tried everything and the one thing I loved more than life, if you can call being a vampire having a life, was her. That darker side had to be controlled all these years and I managed somehow to move with handling the lust thirst for her blood till that one moment. Carlisle wanted me to recount all the good she brought into my life. The way my heart opened to her; it shattered me in a way that left what sat there inside could be shared. This long awaited time of actually having found someone to love and be with. Love came into my life and I was finally with a mate.

Was this some stupid moment of fate for taking her from me as a punishment for killing James? I was inconsolable. I wanted blood now. All I could get; consume and kill for my pain and this nature of being a vampire. It was my time to embrace what I was fully and let loose my fury on how things had turned out for me. Without her, I was broken and the pain had to be filled. Filled with what? Blood, of course.

Chapter 2

Fate of Hell

I had to get away from my family and brood in the wounds that were freshly bleeding. Revenge was the plan. I wanted to just get this pain out and die myself. Carlisle tried to persuade me and I saw the concern in Esme's eyes when I left. Unconditional love from both of them held the open space I should have fallen back into. My family loved me. Nothing mattered at the moment and least of all consequences. I wanted to bath in blood now till the thirst was satisfied. I was about to head to Italy and join the Volturi when Alice stopped me.

"Edward, please stop. I know you are packed and setting on a course that will make you into the monster you dread about our own kind. I don't see you going to Italy. Please, stop and listen to the vision I have of you Edward?"

"Alice, no, I want to leave this pain out of this body shell. She was the only thing I ever loved. I tolerated this existence and nothing matters now that he is gone. Killing James brought his mate down on my own love and I thought I could protect Bella. I am having nightmare dreams of her calling out to me to come and help her. Honestly Alice, I am in hell. I need to go and finish off some killing accounts and I want to take with me as many as I can for this pain. Then I am ending my own existence."

"Edward, I don't see you going to Italy, I see you going to Rio…"

I turned on my heel and spun around to look at Alice. "What? Rio? I keep having a dream with Bella calling me to help her in Rio, in Brazil in a forest. What are you saying Alice? This is driving me mad."

"Look, Edward, I know you love her and I am only saying what I see. Go to Brazil and you will figure this out. Don't end your life now, don't go on a vampire killing rage and don't block your family out. We all want to help you Edward."

I nearly crumbled into a pile of rubble with the thoughts that my dream of Bella and flashes was of her soul maybe lost in some other world she was transitioning in. Maybe, just maybe this is a part of her spirit calling out to me from the grave. I grabbed by my chest where the heart in my body shell was, the heart that only beat for Bella. Something rang true.

"Brazil? You want me to go to South American?"

"Yes, Edward, change your flight plans when you get to the airport. May I drive you?"

"Alice, in my state, I am a mess and set for vengeance. Take me to the airport and I know Carlisle will breathe easier on this shift in plans."

NOTE:

Edward is about to enter a no fly zone. His trip is going to take him into his nature as a vampire and yet something much more. The fact Bella was killed how she was and her last thoughts were of… Well keep reading as this mystery of death, the recently departed and the paranormal is about to throw this vampire immortal true love into another realm he never saw coming. Neither did Alice…


	3. Chapter 3 Jaguar

**The Mirror Side of Edward**

By R. Author of Gothic Gates, BOOK V Saga and BBW series

May 31, 2015

What if Edward had a mirror side? What if that side revealed his desire for being a vampire and the blood that drew him? How would that change everything? Carlisle sees Edward's dual nature.

May 1st, 2011

Twilight disclaimer and no copyright infringement. Characters are being used in Fan Fiction and Original Story of THE MIRROR SIDE OF EDWARD is owned by author Roshandra/ R. M. Simone'

 **His journal notes.**

What is the point? I tried everything and the one thing I loved more than life, if you can call being a vampire having a life, was her. That darker side had to be controlled all these years and I managed somehow to move with handling the lust thirst for her blood till that one moment. Carlisle wanted me to recount all the good she brought into my life. The way my heart opened to her; it shattered me in a way that left what sat there inside could be shared. This long awaited time of actually having found someone to love and be with. Love came into my life and I was finally with a mate.

Was this some stupid moment of fate for taking her from me as a punishment for killing James? I was inconsolable. I wanted blood now. All I could get; consume and kill for my pain and this nature of being a vampire. It was my time to embrace what I was fully and let loose my fury on how things had turned out for me. Without her, I was broken and the pain had to be filled. Filled with what? Blood, of course.

Chapter 3

Jaguar

The ride to SEATAC was insane. Alice was talking so fast, that even I had trouble keeping up with her. For some reason since she aided me on getting on the right path as she said, my decision to go with the dreams I was having on Bella, this changed everything. Alice drove at her high speeds dodging police radar of course, but as she did so her visions flashed in even faster for some reason. She said she was having a 'download' of my possible coming events. It was all up in the air and if I had chosen to go to Italy rather than Rio, I would not have this option. She rambled on so fast that I finally had to just absorb it and sit back. She was on vampire hyper-speed and babbling on. I was feeling the pain again ebbing in on me and Bella's face calling me. Maybe this was how it is meant to work. She was dead now, but I had no idea what this all could mean. I was a jumble of pain, revenge and seething to go kill and kill till the pain inside me subsided. Carlisle told me unbridling that lust and anger would not be wise. I did not care. I only wanted someone to pay for taking here and destroy a lot of vampires as I would go out of this existence too.

Alice finally came out of her speed trance and began to speak coherently to me again. We pulled up at the curb for the sky cab check in.

"You need to rent a car Edward. Something symbolic for this trip… This is shamanic for you. Death is a transition point into many realms. I think you may be able to save Bella and maybe retrieve her soul."

"Alice you're being cryptic. What are you saying?"

"Get a car Edward for you are on a shamanic journey and you need a warrior shield for this. Like a horse in times of knights. I can't say more Edward, you are smart, go and figure it out once you get there. Call me…"

I nodded and grabbed my bag to head inside the terminal instead to change my flight destination. I looked over my shoulder back at Alice smiling and suddenly some of the death lifted off me. Depression was heavy, but I was able to breathe in some air for the first time since her passing. I headed to the international terminal to secure a flight change. The line was short and I was up next. I told the agent what I needed and she complied telling me if I ran I could catch the flight leaving in twenty minutes and take my bag with me was best. I did and jaunted off to the terminal for security and then boarding. I made it with five minutes and texted Alice. She reminded me to get the car now too. I found a hotel in Rio to book and then got a reservation for transportation. A Jaguar car… was that a sign?


	4. Chapter 4 Flight to Rio

**The Mirror Side of Edward**

 **The Mirror of His Mind**

By R. M. Simone, Author of Gothic Gates, BOOK V Saga and BBW series

May 31, 2015

What if Edward had a mirror side? What if that side revealed his desire for being a vampire and the blood that drew him? How would that change everything? Carlisle sees Edward's dual nature.

May 1st, 2011

Twilight disclaimer and no copyright infringement. Characters are being used in Fan Fiction and Original Story of THE MIRROR SIDE OF EDWARD is owned by author Roshandra/ R. M. Simone'

 **His journal notes.**

What is the point? I tried everything and the one thing I loved more than life, if you can call being a vampire having a life, was her. That darker side had to be controlled all these years and I managed somehow to move with handling the lust thirst for her blood till that one moment. Carlisle wanted me to recount all the good she brought into my life. The way my heart opened to her; it shattered me in a way that left what sat there inside could be shared. This long awaited time of actually having found someone to love and be with. Love came into my life and I was finally with a mate.

Was this some stupid moment of fate for taking her from me as a punishment for killing James? I was inconsolable. I wanted blood now. All I could get; consume and kill for my pain and this nature of being a vampire. It was my time to embrace what I was fully and let loose my fury on how things had turned out for me. Without her, I was broken and the pain had to be filled. Filled with what? Blood, of course.

Chapter 4

Flight to Rio

I was two minutes to board my flight and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had not fed.

"Alice, what the hell am I going to do? I am about to board my flight, fourteen hours and sixteen minutes non-stop to Brazil. I have not fed? I could go rabid on this flight."

"Edward, calm down. I am racing in traffic myself and heading off to get some food too. Please think it through. I can't help you. The download of the information has caused me to thirst sooner than I normally would. Talking to you right now it making is all worse for my own hunger. You will figure something out." CLICK.

Great, now Alice won't even help me. I can't run out to hunt before I get on this flight. Edward, use your intelligence. I boarded reluctantly only with the one thing driving me. Bella's face calling out to me was all I saw. This better work? I can't get to Rio and be the headlines for this flight. 'Empty flight, filled with blood and no one alive…' Carlisle would kill me.

"Sir, you are in first class, right there by the aisle and the seat next to you will be vacant for the flight. As soon as we are airborne, we will be serving dinner and drinks. Welcome aboard your flight, sir."

All I could see was her throbbing jugular vein and her neck. She was stressed boarding passengers and the kind of food I needed was not on the menu. I would somehow bear this. Plans changed with me heading off to South America. Maybe if I held my breath I could master this thirst. It was worse than ever with the anger agitating me to take action. I wanted to kill James' mate and I would once I figured out where this was leading me in the visions of Bella. I tried to save her. I tasted her blood after he drained her. What was left was a small puddle I lapped up. I never tasted blood so sweet. All that time I restrained. I should have begun to change her over a slow period and let her feed me her blood. I had to stay pure and fast. That was the dumbest arrogance ever. I lost Bella, due to this not wanting to change her into one of us. Now, I had nothing. Just the taste of her blood, what was left on my lips... Why did Alice not see this coming? I thought she was safe. James carefully bled her out and made her suffer. He recorded it too. I was not going to be cruel like that with his mate. I would just end her existence. Okay, Edward, focus, control the appetite needs. Now that this taste for human blood was ignited I was the worst kind of vampire on the face of the planet. I wanted her back.

"Sir, please fasten your seat belt, we are about to move on the tarmac."

The flight attendant was sweet, her heart beat was tensed; maybe I could talk to her after we were in flight. I began to think about a blood-donor.

Flight was off

I looked around quickly accessing who might be the best victim for me. I found one. My first target would be the attendant that guided me to my seat. I walked into the cabin area where they were preparing food, coffee and wine and acted like I needed to use the restroom. She noticed me. The power of attraction is something vampires all easily have. She could not stop noticing me. I wanted her to see me. I smiled and went into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and decided she was my first. I needed to drink. I opened the door slightly and grabbed her arm with perfect timing as she was walking by the door. She slipped in with me and I locked the door.

"Hi, what is your name? I could not stop thinking about kissing you since I boarded this flight." The direct approach saved time and mesmerized the victim fast. Women loved to me noticed. When a vampire noticed a human, they instantly felt flattered. The rest was easy. A kiss that turned into a slight neck bite and I drank. She folded instantly into my arms and offered up her neck generously to me. I drank. I wanted more, but dared not. Somehow I was able to catch myself and control how much. All the years of fasting or only living off animal blood flashed in my mind. This was so satisfying, but once this began, there was no turning back for me. I wanted human blood, a lot.

"Ah, thank you. Now, why don't you go back to your work so nobody misses you? Thank you again, you do taste sweet." Charm them back out the door and to slowly wake up her consciousness by making her think it was just a kiss. A heady steamy neck one, but that is how I would make it through this flight.

One down, now who was next?


	5. Chapter 5 Flight Landing in Rio

**The Mirror Side of Edward**

 **The Mirror of His Mind**

By R. M. Simone, Author of Gothic Gates, BOOK V Saga and BBW series

May 31, 2015

What if Edward had a mirror side? What if that side revealed his desire for being a vampire and the blood that drew him? How would that change everything? Carlisle sees Edward's dual nature.

May 1st, 2011

Twilight disclaimer and no copyright infringement. Characters are being used in Fan Fiction and Original Story of THE MIRROR SIDE OF EDWARD is owned by author Roshandra/ R. M. Simone'

 **His journal notes.**

What is the point? I tried everything and the one thing I loved more than life, if you can call being a vampire having a life, was her. That darker side had to be controlled all these years and I managed somehow to move with handling the lust thirst for her blood till that one moment. Carlisle wanted me to recount all the good she brought into my life. The way my heart opened to her; it shattered me in a way that left what sat there inside could be shared. This long awaited time of actually having found someone to love and be with. Love came into my life and I was finally with a mate.

Was this some stupid moment of fate for taking her from me as a punishment for killing James? I was inconsolable. I wanted blood now. All I could get; consume and kill for my pain and this nature of being a vampire. It was my time to embrace what I was fully and let loose my fury on how things had turned out for me. Without her, I was broken and the pain had to be filled. Filled with what? Blood, of course.

 **Chapter 5**

 **Flight Landing in Rio**

What kind of a nightmare had I fallen into? I was now feeding off human blood. The seat belt sign was on as we were approaching the city of Rio. The women I fed off of were mesmerized; I glamoured into seeing me as some kind of surprise romantic passenger that they had connected with in flight. All they connected to was my need to feed. I normally appeared aloof to all of this female attention and draw to me as vampires. Now it served me and my hunger needs.

"Sir, I would enjoy if you wanted to meet tonight in Rio. I barely got to talk to you." She slipped her business card in my direction, winked and finished her flight attendant duties. She kept looking back at me and I began to think that maybe she had a place I could stay and continue to feed. Since I was going to hell now, I was going to feed and enjoy all the blood I could get however I could get it.

There was nothing more morose than a vampire in pain. One in emotional pain due to the loss of his only mate had crucified me into this body that now knew love, loss and the focused desire to find her. How? Why? When? Rio held some key.

Carlisle would be lecturing me kindly on my letting out my appetite for drinking human blood. I had to do what I had to do and I wanted and needed blood. The visceral experience of drinking the life force from another and feeling them surrender under your touch, this was exhilarating me. All these years of pent up denial was unleashing itself.

What were the chances I was going to get Bella back? Next to none... Maybe this was my pathetic distraction for my own personal therapy. I was all set to head to Italy, get my existence over with and just get destroyed by the Volturi's. Maybe this was my time to really enjoy this vampire thing I was brought into by Carlisle. Earlier, the only humans I fed off of where the bad ones, the killers, the abusers of women and the criminals. I worked it out in my mind so that would be moral. Now, it did not matter. Speaking of which, I wanted sex now too.

"Sir, we are landing, please move your seat back up and put your tray back. Thank you." She purposely leaned forward so I could smell her again. Of course, I drank again.

We landed on the runway and the city was sun kissed within a morning brightness. I saw the beach we flew in over and the reality of how in the world do I get to a hotel, get the car and in sunlight? I did not think any of this thru. The flight attendant passed by on her way to the back of the plane, suggesting again we meet for a drink. This meant sex was on her agenda and maybe mine too now. I was a mess


	6. Chapter 6 Feeding My Way into RIO

**The Mirror Side of Edward**

 **The Mirror of His Mind**

By R. M. Simone, Author of Gothic Gates, BOOK V Saga and BBW series

May 31, 2015

What if Edward had a mirror side? What if that side revealed his desire for being a vampire and the blood that drew him? How would that change everything? Carlisle sees Edward's dual nature.

May 1st, 2011

Twilight disclaimer and no copyright infringement. Characters are being used in Fan Fiction and Original Story of THE MIRROR SIDE OF EDWARD is owned by author Roshandra/ R. M. Simone'

 **His journal notes.**

What is the point? I tried everything and the one thing I loved more than life, if you can call being a vampire having a life, was her. That darker side had to be controlled all these years and I managed somehow to move with handling the lust thirst for her blood till that one moment. Carlisle wanted me to recount all the good she brought into my life. The way my heart opened to her; it shattered me in a way that left what sat there inside could be shared. This long awaited time of actually having found someone to love and be with. Love came into my life and I was finally with a mate.

Was this some stupid moment of fate for taking her from me as a punishment for killing James? I was inconsolable. I wanted blood now. All I could get; consume and kill for my pain and this nature of being a vampire. It was my time to embrace what I was fully and let loose my fury on how things had turned out for me. Without her, I was broken and the pain had to be filled. Filled with what? Blood, of course.

 **Chapter 6**

 **Feeding My Way into RIO**

Sunshine was intense as Brazil sat close to the equator and how was I going to not show myself to be a creature of the night. This country had anomalies of spirit here, strange superstitions and a people that loved to reveal their bodies in beach lounging and in dance. I did not fit in here at all. I would stay inside the airport terminal, figure out my way through customs, and head over to get my rental car. Maybe a trip to the nearby rainforest to hunt some wild animal game and then check into my hotel after sunset. Now that I am playing the vampire life, I had to use all my skills to navigate the journey I was being drawn to go on. I had to find a quiet place so I could think. Food was first, always now the food with human blood kindled on my lips; I found my venom constantly erupting in my mouth. All the years of guilt feelings on this and the denial of those natural needs. Everything with Carlisle went out the window now. I was a rebellious, angry vampire and I was going to feast and gorge till this pain got smothered in blood. I did not sparkle, I did not turn into a bat and I did have a mirror image. Most of what people thought about vampires was untrue. The true stuff now, I was embracing. Call it my dark side, but it was my way of dealing with the loss of Bella. I walked through customs with giving that 'look' to the inspectors and I found it so easy to get them to let me pass faster through the line than other passengers. My mind was a powerful gift and controlling what others thought came natural to me. Alice had her gift of vision and Carlisle, well he, was our compassionate caring beneficio vampire. He always held wisdom and being kind over all other attributes. He remained a father figure for us all and I respected his philosophy. I was in rogue form now; he accepted that I was working out my pain this way. If this turned up to be a dead end, I was heading to Italy and end this. Frankly, in some way this was a last ditch chance and maybe a strange twist of fate as a weird holiday. Like a dying man, one night out on the town with his favorite meal to eat. I was going to dine all through Rio with obliging females that would be my blood donors. I was miserable.

I got to the Hertz rental desk and looked up my reservation and spoke to the customer care agent.

"Hi, I am Edward Cullen, I had a higher end car reserved for my vacation. I need tinted windows, too, if you have it. I requested a Jaguar."

"Mr. Cullen, welcome to Rio, and yes, I do see your booking and the car is not delivered yet. The Prestige Collection car does have the Jaguar XJ model, but not in silver, only in red, sir. We do however have a Lamborghini Gallardo or an Aston Martin. Oh, the Aston is in red too? You wanted something more conservative in color, correct?" She watched for my reaction.

"Well, I really fancied the idea of driving a classic Jaguar in Rio, where that cat was indigenous to the region." I smiled and she kept her eyes glued to mine. "Well, then what color is the Lambo?"

"Black, sir, and tinted dark windows, will that do?"

"That will be the one then. I am in a black kind of mood." She wanted to smile back on my glib remark, but kept a professional distance and generated the papers for the contract. I handed her my credit card, DL and the smile I was holding back. I thought the girl would swoon. It seemed now that I was feeding on mortal blood, I had a whole new power play on. Women were just responding like I was the harem master. It is when a male is brooding, emotionally distant and mysterious; women just come in like a magnet to offer themselves as the unspoken exchange of the sexes danced that way. In my mood, it was dangerous to get anywhere near me. I nodded, signed and grabbed the keys.

"Oh, yes, can you have someone bring the car to me here? I have a sun sensitivity." She smiled, picking up her desk phone to call someone to bring the car around. I smiled, noting I handled all of that fine. I was going to go eat now.

"Sir, you mentioned you wanted to see some sights? The GPS will direct you to a nearby rain forest. I also programmed in the hotel you are staying at. Enjoy your visit in Rio."

I nodded back and with my one piece of luggage I kept my eye on the canopy sidewalk area outside the terminal shade area and glass sliding doors. I handled the sun issue and the car. I was feeling a moment of grace and sighed, thinking of Bella. I missed her so. Could this work?


	7. Chapter 7 Escape to the Forest

**The Mirror Side of Edward**

 **The Mirror of His Mind**

By R. M. Simone, Author of Gothic Gates, BOOK V Saga and BBW series

May 31, 2015

What if Edward had a mirror side? What if that side revealed his desire for being a vampire and the blood that drew him? How would that change everything? Carlisle sees Edward's dual nature.

May 1st, 2011

Twilight disclaimer and no copyright infringement. Characters are being used in Fan Fiction and Original Story of THE MIRROR SIDE OF EDWARD is owned by author Roshandra/ R. M. Simone'

 **His journal notes.**

What is the point? I tried everything and the one thing I loved more than life, if you can call being a vampire having a life, was her. That darker side had to be controlled all these years and I managed somehow to move with handling the lust thirst for her blood till that one moment. Carlisle wanted me to recount all the good she brought into my life. The way my heart opened to her; it shattered me in a way that left what sat there inside could be shared. This long awaited time of actually having found someone to love and be with. Love came into my life and I was finally with a mate.

Was this some stupid moment of fate for taking her from me as a punishment for killing James? I was inconsolable. I wanted blood now. All I could get; consume and kill for my pain and this nature of being a vampire. It was my time to embrace what I was fully and let loose my fury on how things had turned out for me. Without her, I was broken and the pain had to be filled. Filled with what? Blood, of course.

 **Chapter 7**

 **Escape to the Forest**

I drove out of the airport in the Lamborghini with dark windows blocking the rays of the strong Brazilian sun and listening to the car GPS directing me to the forest. I drove past the bevy of the famous Del Mar beach with barely clad sunbathers enjoying Rio, the Bosa Nova music playing. I had to get to the rain forest to think. Collect my thoughts and call home, once I sorted out why I was called to Rio. The city had charm and an old world history of the spirit of this land. The Lambo climbed and wound around to the cliffs that showed greater views and looked over the idyllic region of this beautiful city. The famous 'Christ the Redeemer' image perched high on the outcropping of rocks watched over the people. I was feeling my mood lift. What was I thinking renting a Lamborghini? I was conservative? I needed to talk to Alice now that I had calmed down some. Getting into nature helped more than blood alone to soothe my pain. I hoped for some kind of sign and I plummeted downward in my own spiral of self pity and morose feelings of the loss. I was not careful enough to keep her protected. Blaming myself was my next step of self questioning. I drove further into the forest till the GPS gave a command to turn. Turn where? I saw no road that was marked and yet she said it was approaching me on the right and the road was within five hundred feet. I saw then a small soft shoulder of the road and pulled onto it. I stopped the car and got out. The thickly forested region gave me ample sun cover. I could finally breathe again and my thinking began to clear my fog. The fog of emotions I was in was out of control, the feelings of loss that I could not stop and then the blood lust to try to offset the anger. I was a mess. I checked my cell and as I figured there was no signal. I was going to just walk. Maybe hunt a little. The main prey in this region was jaguar. It was an endangered species and my intelligence of balance came in. Maybe I should just run, blow off some stress and then head back to my hotel and check in. Call Alice and see what vision she had on Bella. I had no sign, sound or feeling of her since I arrived. I was lost.

I looked around, no cars on this road and locked the car and began to slip into the forest. It shrouded me and I felt a moment of freedom. I felt myself again. I felt the man I was. The man Carlisle guided and the man inside that was with self control and a philosophy that carried me in peace. I felt calm for the moment and grateful.

I ran for a while and then slowed down from vampire speed into one of the Fool on a Journey. I was soul searching. I was searching for Bella's soul. I only knew my own soul by being in love with her. Her soul awakened me to love and the light across the even sky of star crossed lovers meant to find each other. It was that romance of loving this young woman that made me more of who I was. This mirror part of this moment I was in travail in was I had hoped just a remnant of a passing time of my hurt, anger and pain that was driving me to act this way. Yes, I wanted revenge and yet, been guided by this vision to Rio, where Bella called me and took me out of the other path. I was desperately willing to see what this meant and where it took me. Could she be drifting in another realm? Was her spirit here? Why?

I then heard something breathing and stalking me. I looked up to see a jaguar cat. It was hunting me. Was this how I would end it all? Maybe Bella and I would find peace together in spirit this way?

I looked up without hesitation thinking of passing out of this form of existence and then I saw a female cat leap at the male observing me. As this cat did she attacking the jaguar. She was a black spotted panther jaguar and clearly a huntress. I looked at the frenzy being displayed before my eyes and her eyes caught my own for a second. She was a vampire jaguar, panther of some sorts and after the scramble of these two majestic creatures she shaped changed back to her human immortal form. I was in awe of what I saw. She smiled, allowing me to see her form and ran off deeper into the forest.

What had I just seen?

She intervened in my demise. I would gladly have let go and died by the jaguar's decision to hunt me. I came to my senses and broke down in tears. Carlisle would be in turmoil on that. Alice would be upset with me. The car I rented would be towed. I would not solve this mystery of why Bella called me here. I cried and broke down and I felt so much anger wash off me. I lay there on the floor of the rain forest, letting it all go. The anger was not my way. My pain would lessen if I just let go of this primal part of my inside mirror self. I was guided her to find Bella. 'Think Edward, think intelligently and clearly and calmly.'

I just let the forest bathe me in her energy and when I felt myself more me again I got up. It was quiet and I would head back now and find my hotel. Once there my call to Alice was first on my list. Suddenly my desire for eating left me. Do did the blood lust lift for now. My heart felt Bella again.


	8. Chapter 8 Evening in Rio De Janeiro

**The Mirror Side of Edward**

 **The Mirror of His Mind**

By R. M. Simone, Author of Gothic Gates, BOOK V Saga and BBW series

May 31, 2015

What if Edward had a mirror side? What if that side revealed his desire for being a vampire and the blood that drew him? How would that change everything? Carlisle sees Edward's dual nature.

May 1st, 2011

Twilight disclaimer and no copyright infringement. Characters are being used in Fan Fiction and Original Story of THE MIRROR SIDE OF EDWARD is owned by author Roshandra/ R. M. Simone'

 **His journal notes.**

What is the point? I tried everything and the one thing I loved more than life, if you can call being a vampire having a life, was her. That darker side had to be controlled all these years and I managed somehow to move with handling the lust thirst for her blood till that one moment. Carlisle wanted me to recount all the good she brought into my life. The way my heart opened to her; it shattered me in a way that left what sat there inside could be shared. This long awaited time of actually having found someone to love and be with. Love came into my life and I was finally with a mate.

Was this some stupid moment of fate for taking her from me as a punishment for killing James? I was inconsolable. I wanted blood now. All I could get; consume and kill for my pain and this nature of being a vampire. It was my time to embrace what I was fully and let loose my fury on how things had turned out for me. Without her, I was broken and the pain had to be filled. Filled with what? Blood, of course.

 **Chapter 8**

 **Evening in Rio De Janeiro**

My drive back to the city was at twilight. My hotel was at the Del Mar beach facing the coastline. Everything now was changing before my eyes. I was resuming some of my composure and slowly, the Edward that held me in thought resumed. My lust was fading at the moment and I settled into my body of a shell again to just stay with the drive while I listened to the music on the radio. Thoughts of Bella began to consume me then. I wanted to talk to Alice and see if her visions could aid me now. I was free of the initial anger and pain. I knew that James' death brought about the torture of his life mate Victoria's desire to play out the revenge on what I loved. When I found Bella, I tried, oh, how I tried to revive her. Nothing worked. Things were coming into perspective now and it seemed I was coming free of sometime loop that was letting something progress now. I just hoped that this might lead me to how to find Bella's soul or whatever happened when she died. She was traveling in spirit I could only assume and this is why I was here. I hoped to pick up the pieces. The lust abated and I drove into the hotel I was to stay at.

The GPS guided me right into the drive entrance of the Fairmont Grand Del Mar. I pulled up and the parking attendant smile at the Lamborghini I was driving. I got out tossing him the keys smiling. I reached for my bag from the passenger side and walked into the hotel. It was sumptuous and I was glad I chose it. My mind felt peaceful again. Everything of my vampire sensing had heightened though, since I had been on human blood on the flight. I was relieved I still was not hungry now. Since the forest, the falling apart there and the almost being prey to a jaguar, I had found some part of my human self again. My soul was there. I had a thread of it I was holding onto. Everything I waited for, Bella in my life, my heart and all the time, now I had to sort this out. I wanted to talk to Alice and see what the rest of her download she had meant to her. I was tired.

The concierge desk clerk notice I was the one that drove in behind the wheel of the Lamborghini. What was I thinking renting a car like that? Alice would love it.

"Sir, Mr. Edward Masen Cullen?" I nodded handing him my American Express card. He promptly asked if I would prefer a suite with a view. I nodded again and was spending money like it was a constant flow of nothingness. I liked nice things, but this somehow helped me bear the roller coaster of emotional shifts I was dealing with. Till I understood a little more about why Bella drew me here, I wanted comfort and space that asked no questions of their guests. When you drove up in a Lamborghini, they assumed wealth and would not bother you. This is how a vampire liked to live too. No questions and not being bothered. I needed that citadel of my walls up and my privacy. I regained more of my composure and self discipline.

The suite was well appointed and the flight attendant card I tossed in the waste basket. There would be no more of that. If I needed to feed, I would go hunt in the forest. I would find game. I sat down on the king size bed and began to think of Alice. My cell gave off the song that belonged to her. Alice loved "Cats", and so my cell chime for her was that. She was all fae energy, but catlike too.

"Alice, what took you so long to reach me? I am hanging by a thread."

"Nice to talk to you too, Edward. Okay, her spirit fragmented and she is there. I am going to fly down to help you track her down. Are you doing better now?"

"Yes, I drank blood on the flight."

"What?" Alice screeched out her concern at my statement.

"Alice, relax, the flight was fine. I used my vampire skills to get some blood donations. You know, kiss, drink and don't tell. I had to sip from six women and mesmerize them. I forgot how easy that is. I somehow made it through the flight of fourteen hours and did not kill anyone. That would have been a mess to have a blood bath and no living people by the crew."

"Funny, Edward, so you glamoured some women and got enough blood to help you handle that?"

"Yes, I made it. Then I got to the airport, flight landed me in full morning sun. I just was not thinking on any of this. I got a car¸ but not the one I was thinking of. You would love what I ended up with."

"What kind of a car model Edward?"

"Lamborghini, Alice, black like my mood."

"Keep the car, I am flying in tomorrow. I have a lot to tell you. We need to go find a shaman or some kind of woman that is another seer that looks into trance medium discarnate souls. I will tell you more when I get there. Did you get a suite?"

"Yes, large nice one in a five star hotel. I assume you will come in at nightfall?"

"That's the plan, talk then and I will text you my flight number. Rest Edward, Carlisle, Emmet and Jasper are trying to figure out where Victoria fled to. We will sort this out. I think Bella is going to come back to us. Just wait till I get there and don't be morose or drink more human blood. Carlisle is worried about you. Promise me you will deal with this appetite control matter?"

"Yes, I already reined it back in. That other part of me I can't handle Alice, it is like a shadow of the dark that I can't go into without thinking of ending it all. Thanks Alice, see you when you get here." CLICK

I called room service and ordered a bloody rare steak, red wine and hoped that would carry me through the night.


End file.
